The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
