I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
