oh god the rape fog is back!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
