3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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