Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
