At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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