It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
