I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
