yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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