Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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