there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize