Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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