and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
