Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
