i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
