now i know why i became what i already was.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
