Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize