Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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