Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
