that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
