her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
