Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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