She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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