maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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