I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
