he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
