Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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