i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
