On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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