Will you blow on my dice?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize