u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
