guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
