I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize