i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
