she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
