i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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