take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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