STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
