kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
