My room smells like vodka and shame
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
