you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
