I bet he comes in French.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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