my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
