I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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