why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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