actually, I'm a sock model
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
