i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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