I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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