WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
