I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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