New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
