she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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