Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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