If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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