If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
