do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
did i just pee glitter
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
