just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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