do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
