Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
