You're so nebulous sometimes
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
