Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
