got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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