1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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