More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
