we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
