Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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